Alice In Weatherland
At about four o'clock in the afternoon awhile ago, when I turned on the television, I thought for certain that something terrible had happened. I heard high-pitched yelling coming from a woman standing in front of the U.S. map. It turned out to be one of the local meteorologists broadcasting the weather. She was pumped! She flailed her arms and made foul swoops from east to west and north to south, stepping wildly from left to right as well as forward and back. Her voice was mezzo soprano and cracked during her aria. Out of breath, she was predicting dangerous thunderstorms with high winds and flooding for the early evening, warning the Philadelphia area to "shelter in place" the minute that any storm began. According to this seeress, the storms were definitely "on the way." Winds of seventy miles per hour were expected and putting things that could be blown about away was the advice to heed.
I took that advice one step further and decided to check my email on my computer right then and there. Having completed this small task, I shut down the PC and pulled the plug from the wall. I had an acquaintance who lost two desktops during a violent thunderstorm and I did not want to be next in that department.
I then settled down to watch television again and changed the channel to try another station because the drama and voice of this woman annoyed me to no end. I was prepared to turn off the appliance if a storm came and I checked the batteries in my transistor radio and lined up some candles and matches on my dining room table. I was ready for the onslaught!
By the time that it was seven o'clock, not one storm had happened along, the sun came out and the sky was a gorgeous cornflower blue. I was quite annoyed with myself for having not only believed the prediction, but for hurrying to follow the advice of that meteorologist. I was also annoyed that she was making a lot of money for being wrong.
As for those who want a solidly accurate weather prediction that will never be wrong, I will offer this, as my grandfather did when I was younger: "Whether it's cold or whether it's hot, there will be weather, whether or not."
Let it snow!
- D A Korczynski Hennessy